Should you have Boundaries

This week we’ve been talking a lot about intimacy, and how to protect your marriage from those things that could break in and destroy that intimacy like infidelity and pornography. Obviously, because of the subject, this makes things a lot harder to talk about, but I’ll do my best. No one ever goes into a marriage with the thought that they will become addicted to pornography or be unfaithful to their spouse. So, how does this happen? Obviously, I’m not an expert in this area but I hope to give my own thoughts and opinion on the subject.

 Fortunately, Richard and I have been married for four years now and not had do deal with any of this, but we have seen others that we are close to go through these things. Now like I said earlier, no one ever goes into a marriage with the thought that they will become addicted to pornography or be unfaithful to their spouse. In the world of medicine, they say it’s a lot easier to prevent something than to treat it, and the same can be applied to your marriage. If you and your spouse have talked about these things and set up boundaries beforehand then you won’t have to worry as much about finding out something someday. As with everything there is no one size fits all, so what I share below are some of the things that Richard and I have done to help protect our marriage.

The key for us is openness. Yes, we both have locks on our phones and computers, but we have shared that information with each other. Now that does not mean that we are snooping and looking for trouble on each other’s devices, but it’s open to the both of us. We’re also very open about who our friends are and who we hang out with. If some guy from class texts me about something I’ll let Richard know so that he is aware of the communication and can stop it if he deems it necessary. The same thing goes for him. A lot of it also comes down to what you are comfortable with and looking at the spirit of what you are doing.

A few months ago, Richard and I went to a masquerade ball. It was a fun and amazing time. Partway through I was getting tired, so we sat down for a few songs. While we were sitting, I single young lady came up to us and asked me if she could dance with my date. I actually found the whole situation hilarious, so I said sure. I knew that I was right there and that there was nothing that they could do without my seeing it. I also knew that there were a lot more girls than guys at this dance, so seeing one sit on the side is never a fun thing. And finally, I knew that Richard would probably mention his wife and son, which he did. Will I say yes in every situation, no. But that’s a personal choice, and you’ll have to follow the spirit and your gut most of the time. Ultimately it’s a wise thing to put up boundaries before they are actually needed.