Turning to your Spouse

With the "me" culture becoming so prevalent in today's society, how do we turn away from ourselves and toward our spouse? This past July my husband Richard graduated and  is currently in the process of waiting to hear back from Grad Schools for a Doctorate in Physical Therapy, he's currently driving school buses for the Middle and Elementary Schools. This April I will be graduating. I've found that since Richard has graduated, the little things have started to revolve more around me. This is mostly because I'm also working in the Sewing Labs, taking 14 credits and have had homework, and I'm also Pregnant and morning sickness has not been very nice to me. Because of these and other reasons Richard has ended up being the one doing the dishes, tending to Gideon, making dinner, all of the little  things that add up. 

To be honest even though the arrangement we have works, and makes sense for the situation we are in, I've been feeling like a bad spouse since I'm not participating in the traditional marriages allotment of chores, and things have been more focused on me and my needs, instead of Richards. Now I know that everyone's circumstances are different and adjustment need to be made so that each family is doing what's best for them, but that's simply how I've been feeling.

In Gottman's book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work he states, "The first step in turning toward each other more is simply to be aware of how crucial these mini-moments are, not only to your marriage's trust level but to its ongoing sense of romance. For many couples, just realizing that they shouldn't take their everyday interactions for granted makes an enormous difference in their relationship."

In looking over this past semester I've realized that while my relationship with Richard is not imploding, I haven't actively been working on it either. Going forward I'll start with at least one conscious act each day, that I will do specifically for Richard. I know that by doing this we'll be able to grow stronger and not let our relationship fall by the wayside.